If the lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be, then, my friends, she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I HAVE EVER SEEN!!! [turns Einhorn around so her rear, which has a very huge lump (in fact, Finkle's tucked-in penis and scrotum) over it, is facing the other present ones] THAT'S why Roger Podacter is dead!!! He found Captain Winky!!!
Andy Kaufman in "Man on the Moon"
Fletcher Reede in "Liar Liar"
Ace Ventura in "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective"
Truman Burbank in "The Truman Show"
Somebody help me, I'm being spontaneous!
Andy Kaufman in "Man on the Moon"
Ace Ventura in "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective"
Truman Burbank in "The Truman Show"
Fletcher Reede in "Liar Liar"
[to Lt. Einhorn] Whew... now I feel better. 'Course, that might not do any good; you see nobody's missing a porpoise. It's a dolphin that's been taken. The common harbor porpoise has an abrupt snout, pointed teeth and a triangular thoracic fin, while the bottlenose dolphin, or Tursiops truncatus, has an elongated beak, round cone shaped teeth and a serrated dorsal appendage. But I'm sure you already knew that. That's what turns me on about 'cha, your attention to detail.
Andy Kaufman in "Man on the Moon"
Fletcher Reede in "Liar Liar"
Ace Ventura in "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective"
Truman Burbank in "The Truman Show"
You never had a camera in my head!!
Fletcher Reede in "Liar Liar"
Ace Ventura in "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective"
Truman Burbank in "The Truman Show"
Andy Kaufman in "Man on the Moon"
[After being tossed out of the office following sexual encouter] I've had better!?
Ace Ventura in "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective"
Fletcher Reede in "Liar Liar"
Truman Burbank in "The Truman Show"
Andy Kaufman in "Man on the Moon"
In case I don't see ya: Good afternoon, good evening, and good night!
Andy Kaufman in "Man on the Moon"
Truman Burbank in "The Truman Show"
Ace Ventura in "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective"
Fletcher Reede in "Liar Liar"
[as Captain Kirk] Captain's Log, stardate 23.9, rounded off to the... nearest decimal point. We've... traveled back in time to save an ancient species from... total annihilation. SO FAR... no... signs of aquatic life, but I'm GOING to find it. If I have to tear this universe another black hole, I'm going to find it. I've... GOT TO, MISTER!
Andy Kaufman in "Man on the Moon"
Fletcher Reede in "Liar Liar"
Ace Ventura in "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective"
Truman Burbank in "The Truman Show"
Why don't you go play in the office a minute. Sue someone for everything they've got. Maybe you send a fax to one of your girlfriends!
Andy Kaufman in "Man on the Moon"
Fletcher Reede in "Liar Liar"
Ace Ventura in "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective"
Truman Burbank in "The Truman Show"
For God's sakes, Jim, I'm a DOCTOR, not a POOL-MAN!
Ace Ventura in "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective"
Andy Kaufman in "Man on the Moon"
Truman Burbank in "The Truman Show"
Fletcher Reede in "Liar Liar"
Where would Tina Turner be right now if she'd rolled over and said, "Hit me again, Ike, and put some stank on it!"? Rollin' on the river, that's where she'd be. But she's beyond Thunderdome, because she decided to send a message? [yells] Wake up, sisters! There is nooooooo such thing as a weaker sex!
Fletcher Reede in "Liar Liar"
Ace Ventura in "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective"
Truman Burbank in "The Truman Show"
Andy Kaufman in "Man on the Moon"
[To his ex-wife's partner] Jerry? Enjoy my wife? Eh? Ahhh! [nods knowingly]
Fletcher Reede in "Liar Liar"
Truman Burbank in "The Truman Show"
Ace Ventura in "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective"
Andy Kaufman in "Man on the Moon"
[Sailing away in the artificially roughened winds and seas] Is that the best you can do? You're gonna have to kill me! [sings] What do ya do with a drunken sailor? What do ya do with a drunken sailor? What do ya do with a drunken sailor ear-lye in the mor-nin'!
Andy Kaufman in "Man on the Moon"
Ace Ventura in "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective"
Truman Burbank in "The Truman Show"
Fletcher Reede in "Liar Liar"