You know, 35 years ago, preparing for a concert meant playing "find the cobra" with the hotel chambermaid.
Jim's Dad in "American Pie"
Mitch Cohen in "A Mighty Wind"
Jim's Dad in "American Wedding"
Jim's Dad in "American Pie 2"
[On condoms] Well, they're safer than a tube sock...
Jim's Dad in "American Pie"
Mitch Cohen in "A Mighty Wind"
Jim's Dad in "American Wedding"
Jim's Dad in "American Pie 2"
Seeing these long lines of fans who want nothing more than to have you sign an autograph, it's like it's 1968... Or '67... Or '66.
Jim's Dad in "American Pie 2"
Jim's Dad in "American Pie"
Mitch Cohen in "A Mighty Wind"
Jim's Dad in "American Wedding"
I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates] masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.
Jim's Dad in "American Pie"
Mitch Cohen in "A Mighty Wind"
Jim's Dad in "American Wedding"
Jim's Dad in "American Pie 2"
Son, step away from the animal...
Mitch Cohen in "A Mighty Wind"
Jim's Dad in "American Pie 2"
Jim's Dad in "American Pie"
Jim's Dad in "American Wedding"
I feel ready for whatever the experience is that we will... take with us after the show. I'm sure it will be... an adventure... a voyage on this... magnificent vessel... into unchartered waters! What if we see sailfish... jumping... and flying across the magnificent orb of a setting sun?
Jim's Dad in "American Pie 2"
Jim's Dad in "American Wedding"
Mitch Cohen in "A Mighty Wind"
Jim's Dad in "American Pie"
We'll just tell your mother that... we ate it all.
Jim's Dad in "American Pie"
Jim's Dad in "American Wedding"
Mitch Cohen in "A Mighty Wind"
Jim's Dad in "American Pie 2"
Jim I want to talk about masturbation.
Jim's Dad in "American Wedding"
Jim's Dad in "American Pie"
Jim's Dad in "American Pie 2"
Mitch Cohen in "A Mighty Wind"
Hey: keep it real, homies.
Mitch Cohen in "A Mighty Wind"
Jim's Dad in "American Wedding"
Jim's Dad in "American Pie"
Jim's Dad in "American Pie 2"
[to parents of girl they caught in bed with Jim] Hi, I'm Jim's Dad. You must be the parents of this young lady, I... didn't get your daughter's name, but I hope my son did.
Jim's Dad in "American Pie 2"
Jim's Dad in "American Wedding"
Mitch Cohen in "A Mighty Wind"
Jim's Dad in "American Pie"
[to Jim] Now, do you know what a clitoris is?
Jim's Dad in "American Pie"
Jim's Dad in "American Wedding"
Mitch Cohen in "A Mighty Wind"
Jim's Dad in "American Pie 2"